Handmade Choker Swap

Dear Partner :)

Please make my choker at least 18 in. :)

Thanks! Jenny

This swap sounds fun (and I love chokers)! I'll definitely love a "goth-y" choker, but I'm not too picky :)

hiya, partner! I don't wear chokers, but my 11 year old daughter loves'em, so she will be on the receiving end of this swap. She's a skinny little kid, so when partners are assigned I will send her specs to whoever gets us :) Her only requests are nothing pink, "blingy", or ultra girly/babyish :) PS Thank you mortaine for all the detail, very helpful!

All: This isn't a kid-swap, and some people (myself included) may have started making an adult-sized choker already. Please don't expect your partner to make something suitable in size or style for your daughter.

ouch, wish you could have pm'd with that:( I always wait to see who my partner is so I can make something special for them according to their profile that they will enjoy, and (I guess incorrectly) assumed other people did, as well. You didn't say anything about another person's size specific (at least 18 in) or style specific request here. Well, I guess it's a good thing we didn't end up as partners! I'm sorry if I upset anyone.

Yikes! I didn't think it would be a problem to ask that my choker be a specific size. What would be the point of receiving or sending a choker that wouldn't fit?

nono, not picking on you, sorry! BTW, I get it, I get it! I was just pointing out here that I didn't see why specific size requests should be picked on, but I do (now) get the whole, "this is not a kids swap" thing. Here is a portion of something I posted somewhere else: It is never and has never been my intent to cause annoyance or confusion. I apparently was in bad form, and, again, honestly, did not realize. I solemnly swear that I won't request that non-kid specific swaps be for my daughter anymore. And I was always going to be the one who made the item in question. This feels like this one of those situations where you enter another culture, and in innocent ignorance, behave in a way that is unnacceptable. Or read an etiquette book, only to find out you've been doing something all along that is incredibly rude! How embarrassing! ~:( Again, I'm sorry- truly! ...if any of you see any more clueless moms in the future, I bet all it will take is a gentle pm to let them realize that they are misbehaving ;) That's all it's taken for me. Apologies, Nicole. One more time, in case anyone didn't notice, I apologize and feel duly horrified! Hope we can leave it at that.

i meant "mortified", not horrified

Ah.

The difference is that "to fit an 18" neck" is within the range of an adult choker size (chokers can and probably should be somewhat adjustable), whereas "to fit an 11 year old" is, well, not. That doesn't even get into the question of "what's appropriate for a tween compared to an adult" (less an issue since your daughter is not into little-girl style).

Sigh In any case, I PMed your partner to let them know they're not obligated to make a choker for your daughter, but if they haven't started yet, they might oblige. I apologize for not PMing you as well; I didn't consciously realize how close the deadline was, but I should have dropped you a note. Anyway, if you get an adult-sized choker and don't want it, I am sure your daughter will love it as much when she's 16 as she will now, or you may be able to resize it to fit (which could be a fun project for the 2 of you).

Let's all try not to have too much drama on this, folks. We all want the same thing: to have fun making chokers for each other!

I alsp pm'd her early today with essentially the same message saying I would be happy with whatever she chose to send, and truly would. Again, I get it, I was naively in bad form, I apologize, etc and so forth. I'm not interested in bad vibes, as you said, just here to have fun.